Linggo, Enero 8, 2012

JEALOUS MISTRESS: stairway towards my destiny

Nurses and Engineers'  blood runs with my family. No wonder my eldest sister was forcing me to take Nursing in College. I took the entrance exam with protest. My rebellious heart won and deliberately flunked the exam. I took up Bachelor of Arts in Political Science instead. I cannot say that I want the course; it s just that I don t desire to become a nurse. I m afraid of doctors, hospitals and all the things related to medical realm. I cannot take any course that is related with Mathematics because I despise the subject . So, Political Science, it was. I became a born-again Christian then, year 2003..Thank God, I graduated with flying colors. My professors in college bombarded us with their words that our course is a preparatory to Law. My parents and siblings were aware of that too. To my surprise, my parents and siblings already discussed that matter. They wanted me to pursue law. Gee. Another decision-making was required. Do I really desire to pursue law and become a lawyer? Kinda but not certain. Since I m already a Christian at that time , I began questioning myself if it is God s will. I like to pursue law but I don t desire to go through it like I despise taking up BS Math or Accountancy. Simply, it s a good deal but not a dream. Like but not love.

Expectations, support of my family, and excitement coupled with crossroad questions helped me decide to give it a shot, but still asking God s will. As common Christians do, I asked for a confirmation --a sign. He gave it. (don t wanna reveal what s the sign.. hehe) I entered PLM College of Law with a cheerful heart because I know God is with me and He will help me go through it. He must, I said.

My first year was a mess. I cried almost every night to God. I did not expect that law school was that hard. Recitation almost every day---names being called alphabetical, random at times. Every time a professor arrives with a class card, I already knew recitation will follow. Oh Dean Roy, Atty. Ticman, Atty. Topacio, Judge Grulla, Atty. Anenias. Then my heart would beat so fast like a horse in a marathon, and geez, there were also butterflies in my stomach. My hands would start to shake then my whole body followed especially my knees..oh. If that state of nervousness continued, surely, I will stutter. I needed to calm myself, I resolved. Deep sigh. Deep sigh.  Prayer whispered. That s how I made myself ready for class. Nervous but STILL (believe me it can coincide). Almost day after day of my stay in law school I repeated that entire process of calming myself. Thankful that I have God whom I can share my fears and frustrations. Yes, I love writing but I m not so much into public speaking. That s why in every recitation, our classroom became my battle field. I am a wounded soldier but still I fought and worship was my greatest weapon. Wounded but strong because I know God is with me. Also blessed with friends who supported and strengthened me to go on. Tasted like torment, but I began to fall in love with law.

(Rom.8:31-32, If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all--how will He not also, along with Him, graciously give us all things?). Law School ordeal is nothing for the GREAT I AM is for me, no one could be against me.

Second year in law school, I became more and more used with the drill. Study, read, recite, memorize, research, write, speak. The bloopers and becoming a laughing stuff at times, also with the shouting, cussing, of professors and their humiliating lingo, became part of my system. What's more, a well-learned professor who has soft voice will just say  "be sited"  or will flood you with questions. Some law students would call the midterm and final weeks as hell weeks . Less hours of sleep, study more, read more, no social life. If you flunk a subject in the Midterm, you must study harder for the finals. If you flunk two subjects during Midterm, be serious, study diligently for the final exam because you might be kicked off school---remember the PLM Law two-flunk rule. This ordeal was repeated semester after semester. Indeed my lawyer friend was precisely right in describing law school as sweet torture .. Good for me, I have Jesus on my side. Despite the ordeal, I already fell in love with the sweet torture world. I did not turn my back. I m into it, totally, into it.

...I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the HOPE to which He has called you, the RICHES of his GLORIOUS INHERITANCE in the saints, and His INCOMPARABLY GREAT POWER for us who believe...Ephesians 1:18-19. [I'm adopting this prayer of Paul to the saints in Ephesus]

Third year - the core of the volcano, the eye of the typhoon. More difficult subjects. Professors known as serial grade killers by making numerous casualties. Another year of sifting. Also I m in the state of being emotionally compromised. Sigh. An intricate year because I nearly failed 2 subjects, but gratified that God saved me. More pizzas were ordered as bribe to professors. Geehehe...but to no avail? God has proven Himself faithful again. He never remised a promise. He made me through them. Because of the pressure and the sweetness of the torture, I just don t love law, it became my passion.

Don t be afraid; just BELIEVE.- Mark 5:36. Everything is possible for him who BELIEVES.- Mark 9:24.Blessed is he who has BELIEVED that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished. Luke 1:45.For nothing is impossible with God.- Luke1:37. Indeed powerful verses strengthened my faith.

Fourth year the final curtain. More books were read. More subjects were covered. Marathon reading. Review Classes. More thoughts about the bar exams. More of eating sessions. Solid friendships were built. Thank you Ian, Jim, Kaye, Anna M., Charlie, Mitch, Joyce, Ayla, Dods, Sheena, Tey, Mark, Rocha, Arce, Marvin, Ken, Recks, and Mac. Law school rocks because of ya'll. My passion became my jealous mistress. Of course, Jesus is my first love and by His grace, forever will be...

A graduate, at last. Thanks to my parents, siblings, supporters and prayer partners. For me, law school and the bar exams were not just an intellectual experience but also a humbling experience. My jealous mistress drew me closer to my Creator, made me deeper in love with Him. It made me more realize that beyond an iota of doubt, He is indeed true and alive. For when I am weak, He made me strong. For when I am strong, He humbled me. For when I am miserable, He comforted me. For when I lack, He lavished me with provisions. For when I m anxious, He made me still. For when I worry a lot, He taught me how to trust and listen to the Voice of Truth.

He showered me with wisdom, favor and love during the Bar Exams. I don't mind the result. It s not that I don t care about it; it s just that He had proven himself faithful enough. No matter what, He is faithful because He is God. His faithfulness as His nature is not subject to human interpretation and it is deep enough to be subjected to human probation. If I pass, He is faithful. If I fail, He is still faithful. His nature will not change no matter what situation I am and will be into. He is God. I have only two choices--- trust Him completely or not at all. I know, my jealous mistress was just a piece of God s plan for me, it was just a stair towards my destiny. May God find me faithful until the end...


Allow God to give you shalom (peace) that transcends all understanding. Remember, you don t need to prove to anyone that you are intelligent. Know that you are SECURED in Christ, BELOVED by God and ACCEPTED by Jesus for who you are. You are His treasured possession, so be secured enough to face tomorrow.

When fear and doubt knocks on your door, answer with faith. Joyce Meyer.